Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hello Freeworld from J (2nd post)

Hello freeworld. Hopefully the security level score sheet gave you and idea of what to expect and now you know how people are seperated. Its not always accurate but thats how its done. Alot of people have no idea what life is like insdie so I'll talk some about that.

My cell is about  8 x 13 to give you an idea of how big that is, I can start at one corner and in 6 steps be at the opposite cornoer. There are 2 chairs and a top and bottom bun, 2 shelves, and a stell toliet and sink. This is where I spend 18 + hours a da. I do have a cell mate so there is no provacy at all. The 6 hours out of the cell (spaced out thru the day) are spent in the dayroom with one TV packed with 20 or more people so it is crowded and always loud. As far as food potatoes and bread are served 3 times a day and the rest of the food sucks, but there are alot of peopl out there with nothing so I can't really complain. 3 hots and a cot you know? The showres are never hot, lucky if they are warm half the time and for some reason the water is really hard on your skin. Now thats the pyschial part and I was in the military so I have been in worse condtions. Is it easy no. I can't speak for everyone in lock yup but for me there are alot of psychological pressures that at tiems seem overwhealming. To come to grips with the fact that I am taken out of life is tough and thats what this is, the same as a child receiving time out just on a bigger scale. So that a major hurdle of doing time at first. Eventually you have to reach the mindset that you have no control over what happens on the outside and what will be will be. The ones that don't do that have the hardest time. The support from the outside helps so much I can't say it enough. My wfie helps me more than you can imgine, shes my rock. She reminds me that there is still a life out there she keeps me involved in my girls lives and her life, she lets me know she loves me. If you have someone in lock up let them know that you are there for them and it helps them keep thier proiorites stright. Bordeom depression guilt and lonliness are things an inmate has to deal with. Some people think it isn't so bad on people in hear at all, all I can say is theres a reason alot of people break. Ther are some things I didn't talk about but I'll talk about next time, violence, rape, drugs and gangs is a subject in itself. I will say that I know there are people in prison that talk to their moms wives, family and friends like shit. I have no respect for those people. For some reason there are alot of guys in here that forget that life on the outside isn't always easy I give them props for holding it down. My wife is my hero. She is tough as hell and shes doing it all till I get home. I love and respet her. But I loved and respected her before I  got locked up and I will for the rest of my life. If ther is somein in lock up that doesn't appreicate, love and trust you when they're down they won't when they're out. Well I feel like I've blababbed enough, remember if anyone has anyquestions or a subject to talk about let us know. Thanks for reading.

His post always make me blush. I'm so lucky to have him in my life, I've loved him my entire life. I waited for years to be his wife, so I will do what I do best  and continue to wait on him. It isn't always easy knowing that I'm his main source of support, but I am, his family isn't involved and mine hate him. But compared to some of the stories I"ve read I'm incrediably lucky and I know it and appericate it to have such a wonderful loving husband. It does kill me inside to read about his condtions and know there is nothing that I can do to help and to make him more comfortable. As of today we will be a complete family again in 5 years 8 months 2 weeks and 6 days.